


squatting in a mansion (what's that red thing)

by dragin



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Tales From The SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Immortal technoblade, anyway, considering i've only watched like 2 and a half streams about it, do i tag sir billiam and ranbutler, i couldn't pass up the oppurtunity please forgive me, i'm writing much more about this fucker than i should be, moon and hubert, ranbutler is named moon bc i saw a headcannon from tumblr on twitter, the egg, was i supposed to tag ranboo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29443899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragin/pseuds/dragin
Summary: “Is that really what you’re wearing?”“Why? What’s wrong with it?”“You look like a butler...actually, it’s fine. Keep it.”
Comments: 8
Kudos: 177





	squatting in a mansion (what's that red thing)

**Author's Note:**

> wooo i'm back. i'm on a roll guys this is the most productive i've been all year. i even did some of my spanish homework.  
> i started this yesterday but i wrote most of it today so my editing is not to be trusted. i think it's better than yesterdays but who knows.

In a mansion far from civilization, a pink-haired man scrutinizes the clothing of his brother in all but blood.

“Is that really what you’re wearin'?”

“Why? What’s wrong with it?” Moon looks down at his clothes, a black vest over a white button-up and slacks. His mask is by far the most eye-catching thing on him, with its red and green jewels.

“You look like a butler,” Techno’s grimace shifts into a mischievous grin, “Actually, it’s fine. Keep it.”

“And you look like an evil overlord,” Moon automatically snarks back, “What the hell? No, I’m changing now,” He frowns, turning to head to the guest room. Techno cackles, shaking his head.

“Nope. You gotta hide now, I see somebody comin'.” Techno says, pushing Moon up the stairs and into place at the top of the landing. Moon sputters.

“You can’t see for shit! Your potions ran out last week! And you promised I could be a guest this time!”

“Then you should have dressed the part! You’re the butler now,” Techno states, fixing his mask and walking back down the stairs. Moon is right, the potions that enhanced his poor vision had run out a few days ago, so he has to keep one hand on the railing to avoid any horrible accidents. One of the large doors is wide open, and he can actually make out the vague shape of a lone attendee standing by the fountain. They seem to be taking their time though, so he figures that they’re alright for a few minutes.

“I want to be a guest next time!” Moon yells from the landing. Techno rolls his eyes.

“I don’t know about that one, kid. I’m getting rather bored of this sacrificial shit.” He pats down his hair and smooths his blazer down for what must be the tenth time in the last hour. 

“Fine, then you have to pretend to be my knight or something at the next village!” Moon seems rather proud of his compromise, so Techno nods, certain that the boy can see him from where he’s hidden from behind a banister.

“Alright, stay quiet, our first guest is climbin' the steps.”

-

_ Sir Billiam III? What the hell?? _ Moon stifles giggles from his spot above the foyer. 

Techno’s performances during these events have only become more extravagant throughout the months they’d been squatting in this mansion. Moon suspected that it was because his brother knew that he found his acting funny, but he would never admit it. It was the most tolerable part of the masquerade balls, neither Techno nor Moon are particularly squeamish, but being possessed by the Egg is never pleasant, no matter how brief.

The Egg allowed them to stay as long as they fed it, and mostly left them alone, so it wasn’t too bad. Moon wasn’t a big fan of the strange plant, but it seemed to favor him over Techno, and if he could make Techno’s job easier, then he would. Gods know that the man does so much for him. He and Hubert, that is. Hubert had left their little trio a few weeks ago, saying that he wanted to settle down, maybe start a family. Techno and Moon had seen him off happily, but his absence was glaringly obvious during times like this. Hubert was a few years older than Moon and would have been a senior staff member, hiding behind the banister across from him.

Moon really didn’t mind, though. Hubert had been becoming rather distant in the months before his disappearance. Techno had said it was because a girl in a nearby village caught his eye, and Moon thinks that is pretty plausible. He’s been reading a lot of books in the past few months, and romance seems awfully good at messing with families. Techno is more bothered by it, he knows. The man had been anxious, always keeping an eye on Moon like he was going to be the next to leave.

But it isn’t time for him to psychoanalyze his brother right now, so he refocuses on Techno and their guest. Carlos was it? It doesn’t matter, he’ll figure it out. They’re climbing up the stairs, so Moon rises from his squat and straightens out his clothes, keeping his face carefully expressionless.

“Butler!” Techno calls for him, still speaking in that silly posh accent. Though Moon supposes it would be odd if he dropped it now, after introducing himself to Carlos. The butler speedwalks towards them, arriving in record timing.

“Dear God, who’s that?” Carlos says, sounding much too judgmental for Moons taste. By the slight raise of Techno’s eyebrow, he can tell that the older man feels the same. By any means, the show must go on.

“Fetch some wine- this hideous poor person is my butler. I let him live here in exchange for absolute loyalty and twenty-four-seven service. And sometimes- I let him sleep!” Moon hands Carlos a glass of wine that they had found in the cellar recently. Well, they had assumed it was wine. Techno wasn’t a big fan of alcohol and Moon probably shouldn’t be drinking. As far as sleep goes, Techno had brewed him some tea just last night to help with his insomnia, so.

“Really? That sounds like indentured servitude!” Carlos still sounds somewhat judging, so Moon is rather confused, and just nods when the stranger looks at him. Techno plays up a stutter, defending himself.

“Well- yes, but you have to consider, commoners aren’t people. They’re  _ poor _ ! They don’t have rights,” Moon nearly laughs, this Sir Billiam character is the most adventurous role Techno has ever taken, all spoiled and classist. 

_ Tonight is going to be fun _ , he thinks.

-

In total, eight people turn up at the masquerade. The eighth had been quite a surprise, Moon didn’t remember sending an invitation to Drew P. Weiner, but his attempts to get rid of him were ineffective. It didn’t matter in the end, the commoner was the first to die. The Egg truly chooses victims at random, with only himself and Techno being completely exempt. He doesn’t know why the Egg hasn’t turned on them, but he assumes it is a combination of the food and the hours Techno had spent with it when they arrived. 

Their guests drop like flies, killing each other under the control of the Egg. Karl (apparently it wasn’t Carlos, who knew?) is the last one left. It’s rather poetic, really. First to arrive, last to die.

Moon waits outside of the entrance to the Egg room, listening to Techno’s speech. He has their bags sitting on the ground next to him, resting against the wall. The sacrificial parties they had been holding were fun, but everything gets boring after a while. Once their loose ends are tied up, they’ll be on their way out. The Egg has been restless, and it’s likely figured out that they are leaving, so it’s best if they make this quick. He hears someone fidgeting with the trapdoors on the other side of the painting, so he lifts the tarp and steps through, drawing his sword, well, it was really more of a dagger.

Karl has already turned around, facing the Egg once again.

“Karl, come back here. Do not fear the Egg.”

“So you’ve been in control of all these people?” Karl sounds shocked, and Moon feels a bit of pride in his chest. They had perfected this method collection and disposal of people in the past months, and it was somewhat of an art form. None of their guests had seen it coming, and if they had, then there was nothing they could do about it. Techno was good with a sword and had even been teaching Moon.

“Oh no, the Egg has been in control. I am merely its guardian,” Moon raises an eyebrow. They didn’t guard shit. If a party of pillagers showed up, he was entirely certain that they would let the Egg shrivel up and die. Though, perhaps Techno is attempting to appease the Egg so that it lets them leave easily. With a slight frown on his face, Moon steps out of the room. Karl follows him out almost immediately, how annoying.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to go back inside, Karl. C’mon,” Moon holds his dagger behind his back, not wanting to give Karl a bigger reason to bolt. He tilts his head towards the canvas.

“I-is that the best idea?”

“Go back in there Karl.”

“Come on, come embrace the Egg,” Moon can hear Techno’s smile in his voice, even through the accent.

“I… I just don’t understand…” Karl whispers, staring at the red mass at the end of the hall.

“What’s there to understand? It’s just the Egg. Don’t you like the Egg?” Techno seems to have channeled his inner creep for this last performance, Moon realizes. He relaxes, this is just Techno being a bitch, nothing has actually happened.

“I don’t think I do…” The man suddenly grows a spine, pushing Techno away. Techno’s eyes narrow and he pushes Karl in turn, shoving him back into a pillar before dusting his clothes and turning around. 

“Wait- why’re the lights turning off?” Their guest’s voice goes from disturbed to panic in a split second, as the lights in the room flicker and a glowing outline surrounds Moon.

“Oh, the Egg is hungry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry Karl… Get him, Butler!” Karl makes a run for it but barely makes it to the foyer before Moon has stabbed him. 

-

_ Where are you going? _

“We're leavin',” Techno strides quickly away from the Egg, only turning to look at it once he has reached the canvas entrance. After a moment of deliberation, he tears the painting down. He’ll replace it with wood once the Egg has had its fit.

_ I didn’t say you could  _ _leave_ .

Techno stares at it, incredulous, “I didn’t ask.”

_ You cannot leave. _

The man scoffs. No plant is going to tell him what to do. He leaves the room and covers the opening with some planks. He grabs the bags lying against a nearby pillar and makes his way to Moon, only sparing a glance at Karl’s body. He had really just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The glow that had surrounded Moon has faded, and he seems to be stable, but Techno still hands him a bottle of milk.

“You alright?” He asks, placing a hand on Moon’s shoulder. The kid just raises an eyebrow.

“Of course I am, ready to go?” Techno rolls his eyes, gods forbid he check on a child’s well-being.

“Mhm, let’s go,” He hands one of the smaller bags to Moon, knowing that he’ll complain if he doesn’t feel like he’s helping. They’ve made it to the foyer when Moon notices something odd.

“Is he  _ glowing? _ ” Moon tugs at Techno’s sleeve, and at this point they’ve both discarded their masks, so Techno can see how big his eyes have gone. Techno grimaces, looking at Karl.

Lo and behold, the man’s body is indeed glowing. It’s also floating, which, odd. He still seems dead, but the blood that was caked in his clothes is disappearing. Techno grabs Moon’s wrist and starts pulling him towards the door. This is not their problem. There’s a flash of light that leaves him momentarily blind, but it doesn’t pause their getaway. 

Techno chances a look back, and Karl is gone. He frowns, but a sudden pain in his head causes him to groan. Moon is immediately digging his heels into the ground, both of his hands on Techno’s shoulders.

“Techno? Are you alright? What’s wrong?” Moon sounds worried, he shouldn’t worry him… they have to go before the Egg… the  _ Egg _ …

_ You cannot leave. _

Techno’s eyes shoot open, and he gasps, breath leaving him shakily. That wasn’t- he must be hearing things. Whatever, they have to go.

“Techno?”

“Yeah...yeah, I’m fine, let’s go.”

“...Alright.”

_ E. _

**Author's Note:**

> heh. e.  
> most of the dialogue with karl is paraphrased from the vod, with choice sections ditched (how the fuck do i write "january revenue is down" with a straight face). i'm headcannoning immortal techno, because that lives in my head rentfree. assume this is before he meets phil, so he's just been chilling with hubert and moon. whether or not he knows he's immortal is up to you i guess, didn't play much of a role in the fic.
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/draginyes).
> 
> (also tales of the smp today will be fun, corpse and techno interaction pog?)


End file.
